I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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