I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
