My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
