I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
