There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize