i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
