Whod you bang
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
