I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
