there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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