i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
