Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
