i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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