ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
