My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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