She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His nipple licking is glorious
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