I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
