the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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