Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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