Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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