once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
