The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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