There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
