The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize