so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
