Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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