i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
