he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you will always have a special place in my vag
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
