Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
