I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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