fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vagina just recognized that song.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
