i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
