I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize