you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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