saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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