Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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