Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
