I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
