Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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