my mouth tastes like poor choices
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
