are you still at the devil's house?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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