I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
