Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
