Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
