im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
