Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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