she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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