Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There r osticjed everywhere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
