what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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