So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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