um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
