Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
