Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
