i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm like, not good at living.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
