Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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