went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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