Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
