ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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