apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
