I think I died a long time ago.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
