let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
