tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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