If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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