at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
