so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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