i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
