In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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