At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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