our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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