I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
