The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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