I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ketchup is God's man juice
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found the puke drawer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
