White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
