where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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