what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
