I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
