you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
